Motherhood

You know, 3 weeks ago I was terrified.
Let’s be honest. Almost 10 months ago I was terrified when that second line showed up. I was barely handling the 3 kids I had without losing my mind how exactly was I going to cope with 4? Especially when my youngest was attached to me at the hip. 

Well over the next 9 months, I cried, I screamed, I freaked out and had panic attacks. And through it all I tried to keep a happy face. For the kids. I’m mom after all, never let them see you break. As time drew nearer I got more and more nervous. But when I saw her face, in person, for the first time all those fears melted because she was just as perfect and beautiful as the other 3 were. I still wasn’t sure how exactly I was gonna do it, but one thing I knew for sure was “it” was gonna get done. I have barely left the house these past 3 weeks and the only reason I did was because dustin was home. However, just as I knew it would, duty called. Yesterday I had to go do laundry. I put it off long enough and HAD to go to the laundry mat. I normally go when the kids are in school or when dustin can keep them. I had no choice. So yesterday I loaded up all 4 kids and my mountain of laundry and spent the day, yes all day, at the laundry mat. Then, as if I wanted to test my luck, or skill, I took ALL FOUR KIDS GROCERY SHOPPING TODAY! What was I thinking?!?!

I tell you though. I survived. My kids survived. And. I didn’t lose my shit.

So maybe, just maybe, I am getting the hang of this mom of 4 thing. Maybe I do have this. Maybe it isn’t so terrifying after all. Cause at night, when I check on them in their beds before I go to bed, and I see their sweet sleeping figures snuggled next to the dogs, or in the crib, life makes sense. It’s all worth it.

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