Depression

Sometimes motherhood sucks ass.

Some days it’s hard to even take care of yourself let alone small humans too. Mental health is ridiculous. Either no one talks about it or it’s some poetic nonsense.

Depression fucking sucks. It’s sitting on the couch crying because your house is a disaster and you know it needs to be cleaned but you can’t. For whatever reason you can’t.

It’s wishing like hell anyone will stop by to say hi and just chat and hang out with you for 10 minutes to break up the monotony that is stay at home life, but hating it when someone does because your house doesn’t look like a magazine.

It’s telling your kids, who are really too old for naps, to go lay down so you can get just 30 minutes of peace to yourself. But that never works because the whole time they are coming out and asking questions about when can they get up and play or can they do quiet time until you finally give in and say just get up.

It’s feeling like a piece of shit knowing your husband busts his ass day in and day out practically working dark to dark just to make ends meet and knowing you’ve barely done anything all day.

You are not alone though. Never alone. We feel you and we are there for you. Mamas, and Dads, I am here for you. I understand. Sometimes you just don’t even want to talk to anyone about it because what do you even say? How do you get through this? When does it get better?

I just look at a dandelion and make a wish because at least for that moment I have a tiny bit of magic that will hopefully help. I have hope. I have faith. It has to get better.

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Summer time

Now that summer is in full swing what are your plans to keep the kids entertained?

This mama is always looking for inexpensive fun things to do with the zoo.

So far we have gone to the zoo, played in the sprinkler a hundred times, went to the park, and started playing board games! Next up a trip to the beach maybe?

Some of the things on our summer to do list include:

Summer Waves Water Park

Beach trips

Park fun

Sprinkler time

BUY A POOL[still trying to convince Dad;)]

Camp in the backyard

Science experiments

Arts and crafts

Are any of these on your to do list? Let us know what you’ve tried!

Alone.

Today is hard. Most days are. I’m surrounded my kids and my husband but I still feel alone.

I have no friends. A lot of people say that, but I really don’t. I have one really amazing friend who is more like a sister but she’s states away. I graduated here and had a few really awesome friends before I moved. When I came back nothing was the same.

I get bitter. I understand people are busy and have their own lives but still. I crave adult interaction. I want a girls night. I want to go out and have fun. We don’t even have to go anywhere. Put on a movie and let’s make popcorn.

I try to make connections and always get ignored. I offer to be a great friend. I offer the shirt off my back, but it’s met with crickets and random messages that are irrelevant.

I’m tired. I’m tired of trying. I’m tired of excuses. I’m just done with it all.

10 months…

It’s been ten months and 3 days since my last post. Wow. A lot has changed but a lot has stayed the same.

It’s been so long since I’ve even looked at this page. I feel defeated. I had so many plans but just didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know how to do many things. Of course I could have just looked it up, there’s a WikiHow for everything now days. There was one for a DIY Ombré. And a ton of other DIY I looked up.

I don’t wear my babies much, and if I do it’s mostly in a Tula or Kinderpack. I rarely wrap these days. My littlest doesn’t care for it too much cause she doesn’t like to be snug. The SSC’s are just quicker when I go to the grocery store or anywhere really. And much cooler.

I still run a zoo. With four kids, four dogs, two chickens and a newest addition things are still hectic. I started working again with home health and had an amazing client who was from the UK. She was sweet, sassy, and 83. I was with her and helped her for almost a year. She suddenly got ill and passed away and it broke my heart. Since then I’ve quit my job because I just couldn’t justify what I made vs the cost of working.

So now I’m home again with my crew. We are going to the Zoo on Wednesday. Who knows, maybe I’ll turn this into fun summer activities. Anyway, thanks for listening.

Day 3: The Reason behind my name…

Well, the challenge says the reason behind my business name but this isn’t exactly a business. Now my “business” name is Capture Diem Photography, if you’d call that a business since I don’t really shoot often. But my blog name “Mother to a Zoo” means a lot to me.

Once upon a time… It all started one day when I was trying to come up with something clever that would describe my life. At the time I had 3 kids; my oldest was 5, then my 4 year year old and my 1.5 year old. Then I had 4 dogs. My oldest husky Loki, my mutt thing Dobby (yes in this house we do magic and go to Hogwarts), then the pit we acquired Red, and a bulldog/jack Russell mix Smaug (Think dragons and Lord of the Rings). 

Life was chaotic. I had been using Mombie a lot. Or ZombieMombie. I’m big into zombies too, in case you didn’t know. That didn’t really seem to fit well though. We had just purchased a nice size 4 bedroom house with tons of land. I was telling my husband all of my big “plans” for the land. I’m talking horses, cows, pigs, chickens, (more) dogs, the works. He jokingly said to me I might as well get a zebra and an elephant and have a full zoo! Mind you I’m also pregnant at the time. 

And so the name was born… Mother to a Zoo just kind if stuck after that. My life is constant chaos and I really feel like I run a Zoo between these kids and the dogs. Picture going to the zoo but all the animals are out of containment. That’s my house 24/7. I don’t really mind though. I find comfort in the chaos. My smile never fades and my heart is so full. I know one day I will look back and I’ll miss it. The kids will all be doing their own thing and I probably will be down a dog or two and things will be quiet. No mess, no fussing, just silence. And I’ll think about the days when “quiet” was just a word in the dictionary to me.

20 facts about me…

Today is day 2.

That means 20 facts about me. Oh boy.

  1. The first fact is that I am a mother. But that you probably already knew. I mean I mentioned it in my introduction and the name of my blog is Mother to a Zoo. So surely I’d be a mom, right?
  2. I am married. We just celebrated our 6 year wedding anniversary. We have been together for 9 years though. We met when I was in high school and have been together ever since. 
  3. I have 4 children. Again another “Duh” fact but still a fact. I always wanted a lot of kids because I enjoy them for the most part. Although, between you and me, I really thought I was done after two. Not that they were bad or anything but I was satifsied. If I hadn’t been able to had more I would have been okay. Things would be a lot less chaotic for sure, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. 
  4. I love to babywear. I seriously wish I had known about it with my first because that would have made things so much easier. I found out about it when I had my second. But I didn’t know an awful lot about it. I bought a ring sling off a Facebook swap and shop and hated it. It was from the 90’s probably and it was WAY too big. It was more of a pouch. I did attempt to use it because I didn’t know any better, but rarely used it because I never felt my baby was secure. With my 3rd I purchased a Moby wrap and it was love at first wrap.
  5. Only 5 so far? Wow. I feel like I should be at 10 at least. Anywho. I have 4 dogs. Dogs have always been a very important part of life for me. I didn’t always have dogs though. Most homes didn’t allow it or we just weren’t able to. Currently I have 2 huskies, a pit, and a shih tzu mix. I am an advocate for rescuing and adopting, however I also see the need for proper breeders. I’m not talking about the breeders who constantly have litters and just pair up whomever, but the ones who research their lines and are bettering the breed. Will I breed one day? Possibly. My male husky is good quality for the breed, though a little on the larger side. My female is only 7 months so time will tell.
  6. I am 24. Holy cow I know. Only 24? Well I’ll be 25 on October but yes. Only 24. I started my life young and do not regret it for a second. Has it been hard? Hell yes. I won’t lie. Has it made me see things differently? Of course. But I would do it all over again. 
  7. I like food. Okay, that was a little bit of a lie. I LOVE food. I love to cook food. I love home made dishes and recipes. I have a smidge of a sweet tooth so I like to bake and decorate cakes and such, but I love to just cook. Cooking and cleaning help me relieve stress. It’s my calm happy place. Weird huh? Cooking is usually chaotic and messy.
  8. I’m from Florida. I was born in Orlando and grew up over the middle of florida. I lived on St. Pete, Tampa, Mims, Orlando, a little bit of everywhere. I moved to Georgia when I was 14/15. It sucked. Not that there is anything against Georgia, but I was just starting high school and had to not only change schools, but entire states. I couldn’t see my friends, I didn’t know anyone, it was teenage hell.
  9. I am a Christian. That’s possibly a big shock. I choose not to talk about religion because everyone has their own beliefs. And that’s perfectly fine. I’m not a very good christian. I question a lot of things. I am not one to judge you though. That’s not my place, nor will it ever be. I accept everyone. That’s what true Christians are meant to do. If I don’t accept everyone, regardless of nationality, sexual preference, serious preference, how can I expect God to accept me?
  10. Halfway there. My 3rd child was halfway planned. I had my birth control taken out earlier in the year. I was tracking my periods with an app and I wanted to test the accuracy of it so I went and bought a dollar ovulation test. I took it when the app said I was ovulating and sure enough it was spot on. I forgot all about it and well… you know the rest. I announced baby number 3!
  11. Is 10 enough? Probably. But I shall continue. I am a CNA. Though I no longer have my license, I will always be a cna. Currently I work in home health as a PCA (which is basically the same thing just lack of a license). I truly enjoy working in the healthcare field. It’s not for everyone. I enjoy working with the elderly because I get to hear a lot of history from a first hand point of view. In fact, my client currently is British!  My dream job though is to work in labor and delivery. I’d love to be a doula or midwife. 
  12. I dabble with photography. I wouldn’t say I’m an amateur but I wouldn’t say I’m a professional either. I’ve taken classes on photography and I’d say I’m quite good at it. My favorite shoots are birth shoots and boudoir. I like maternity shoots too. I really just lile capturing the moment. I prefer a more natural setting than posed. I love to capture raw emotion. 
  13. I know how to groom dogs. We moved to North Carolina a couple years ago and while there I started working for a dog groomer. I started out drying dogs and moved up to bathing and eventually learning how to groom. I really enjoyed it. I’m not the best by any means. I still groom dogs occasionally, but not since my blades need sharpening and my clippers are tryin to quit.
  14. I am an introvert. I tend to keep to myself. I prefer quiet reading to loud parties. I really hate going out most of the time. I feel conflicted more often than not, because while I’d prefer to stay in I would also love to be invited out. I rarely get invited to do things. I try not to let it bother me, but sometimes it gets the best of me. 
  15. I’m a libra. I love balance. I am the mother hen to my friends usually and I tend to be fair. At least I’m told that. I don’t put too much into zodiacs. I do enjoy reading about it though. Fun fact: my Chinese zodiac is a monkey. My husband’s is a rat. On one of our first dates we went to a Chinese restaurant and saw the zodiac on the placemats. According to it, our zodiacs are soulmates.
  16. I like to play video games. Whether it’s on the PlayStation or computer or even my phone. I love Sims on the computer only, I really enjoy Call Of Duty but don’t get to play since our PlayStation quit on us. And I love playing Ramsey Dash on my phone.
  17. I have breastfed each of my children. Each for various lengths of time. With my first it was less than a month because she had to stay in the hospital an extra week and I had no way to pump. My second I breastfed until I went back to work when he was 8 weeks old. I was a cna in a nursing home with no time to pump at all. With my 3rd I made it 5 months. Then I started drying up because he was getting a bottle instead of straight from the tap. With my last I have made it almost 8 months and still going strong.
  18. I attempted to cloth diaper my 3rd. I really wanted to make it work but I just couldn’t het the hang of it. I still use one of my cloth diapers I got with him as a swim diaper. Works perfect and he loves it.
  19. I enjoyed this more than I thought I was going to. I really dreaded this. Part of me thought it was going to be easy, and the other part thought it was going to be hard. It wasn’t as easy as I thought, but not too hard either. It was hard to come up with 20 things, but once i did it was easy to write about them. The words just flowed.
  20. Every post I make is a spur of the moment post. It’s not planned out or written up and edited before hand. It’s a constant flow of my thoughts as they come. Would it be easier to write things out and plan first? Sure. But where the fun in that.

That’s it! 20 facts about me. I hope you learned something new! If not, I hope it was a good read. Thanks again!

(Re)Introduction 

I have decided to give this challenge a go. Finally. After a couple glasses of wine, this should be interesting. Better grab the popcorn.

My name is Jessica. I go by Jessi mostly but call me whatever you’d like. I like wine. Okay, okay. I love wine. It’s my favorite juice. I like to add frozen grapes to keep it cold. My favorite food is probably pizza lunchables. I get them every chance I get and pretend they are for the kids but I’m too stingy.

Speaking of kids I have 4 human babies and 4 furry babies. Out of my human babies I have 2 of each and they are 6, 5, 2, and 8 months (almost). Furry ones are 3 boys and a girl. 

As much as i think I run the house, they do. They are fairly well behaved I think, they just get excited. 

I started this blog as an outlet for my thoughts. It comes and goes in bursts. I then decided to try to make it about babywearing. I did my first review on a ring sling recently. I really enjoyed. Im noy very proper with all the wording, but i’ll get there.

Most days are super stressful. Especially because my husband works long hours, and when he’s not working he is still “working”. I’m very blessed to have a man who works so hard and is will to help literally everyone. Sometimes the selfish part of me wishes he wouldn’t though. 

Anywho. That’s it. That’s all I can think of. Did I mention I hate intros? 

“SALTWATER” review

**Before I start, I was in no way compensated for hosting or trying out this ring sling. My thoughts on this product are entirely my own and were not influenced in any way, shape, or form.**

Emmeline Textiles provided the ringsling in this review. Amelia Pearl grad dyed blue-to-natty, also known as Saltwater, came to me for a week. 

[Image is a close up of a ringsling grad dyed from blue to natural. It has bronze rings]

[A close up of bronze rings from a ringsling.

[Another close up of bronze rings from a ringsling. The top is bunched and laid over the smooth tail.]

Never judge a book by it’s cover.

As you can see, Saltwater is gorgeous. The dye job is wonderful. This was dyed in house by Ali. I’ve yet to see a dye job from her I didn’t like. Now you might be wondering what do I mean by “never judge a book by it’s cover”? Well, exactly that. While this ring sling is gorgeous, that’s not where it ends. This isn’t just for looks, it holds up to the job. I was able to wear my 30 pound 2 year old who flops and kicks with ease. It had just enough give to make it comfy and mold to his body, but enough strength to withstand his constant moving.

Stuck between a rock and a hardplace.

That’s exactly what my kids dealt with. When all done up and tightened properly, Saltwater can hold it’s own. It’s has enough give to make it comfortable and floppy and all the great things, but enough strength and security to know that your child isn’t going anywhere. 

[Image of a blue -to-natty grad dye ringsling with a white woman’s hands hold a baby’s bum]

The security of it is amazing. The grip is just right. The glide is smooth as butter. The moldability is phenomenal. 

“Tell me about it, Stud.”

Okay, maybe I’m not a stud. But I will tell you about it. There is a bit of a learning curve to make sure you have threaded the rings properly, and that you are able to tighten it as needed. I had never worked with a ring sling before now. And truthfully, I only learned the classic carry. So I can’t speak on the full reign of this bueat, but I can speak on what I know. Once threaded properly was a breeze to work. I like the convenience of a ring sling. It’s been amazing to have when my children are fussing and wanting to go up, but don’t have the patience to be wrapped. 

Final thoughts?

My final thoughts on this ring sling known as Saltwater are that it is overall amazing. Even with the learning curve of working with the rings and adjusting it it is wonderful. I’d love to try another ringsling again in the future. I am extremely grateful to Emmeline Textiles for allowing me this opportunity to try out a ringsling.

A picture says a thousand words…

Here are the rest of the photos I have of Saltwater.

New challenges…

Normally, I guess, you start challenges at the beginning of the month. Well. I don’t. If I did, I’d never start them because of put it off and forget. A friend of mine, Our Big Crazy Ohana, invited me to do a 31 day challenge with her.

So here I am. Doing a challenge. This one to be exact.


The first challenge is an introduction. I’ve already done an introduction, but I’ll do another. 

Introductions are always my least favorite thing to do. I can babble on and on and on about useless information. I have no idea what you wanna know. I have no idea what I  want you to know. Typically, I read others introductions and base mine off what had been said. So I know how long to make it, what kind of tid bits to put in it, how to word it. 

Then I’ll read others introductions and think, Well maybe I should have put that, or I can’t believe I forgot about that. So I’m going to try not to do that. I’m going to make a full introduction. But it’ll have to be later. Cause I’m working right now. Home health. And it’s time for my next client.

So be on the lookout! And check out my friends blog. You might like it.

Amelia Pearl “Amethyst Rain”

Holy guacamole 😍😍(Two Heart Eye emojis)
I have a visitor.

Well two

This is Emmeline Textiles’ Amelia Pearl dyed in house “Amethyst Rain”.

It is a gorgeous purple grad dye that is true stunning. This is the third Emmeline Textiles I have tried. Eleanor Pearl, Partita Lemongrass, and now Amelia pearl. 

I truly believe that Amelia Pearl is my favorite. She is soft, moldable, grippy, I could go on and on. It feels thick enough to be cushion-y but not too thick in this south GA heat. I love the ribbon strands through out the wrap and the texture. Seriously a must try/have wrap.